Impossible
by holbylover819
Summary: Jac and Ollie fanfiction. They are both trying to ignore their feelings but will they ever be truthful to each other?
1. Avoidance

**This is my first fanfiction, intended to be multi-chapter but I don't know how regularly I'll be able to update it. Constructive criticism welcome :) **

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_Ollie_

I was in the locker room after surgery, changing into my clothes. Jonny was standing at his locker.

"Ow is that a bite mark?" he asked, tilting his head.

"I..er..." I mumbled pulling my shirt on and covering up the mark on my shoulder.

He laughed. "Tara doesn't strike me as the aggressive type. Aw young love" He walked out of the room grinning.

_Damn, _I thought. _I hope he doesn't say something to Tara. _See, the truth was I had been with another woman last night. She had been avoiding me all morning, which was OK because 1) I had no idea what I was going to say and 2) I hadn't finished her paperwork. Seeing as Jac couldn't avoid me all day, I decided I'd better start that paperwork before she was forced to face me.

_Jac_

_Bed 8 possible calcified arteries, I'll need to cut though the-_ who am I kidding? Like my mind was on surgery right now or could be trusted to stay there.

I didn't know what happened. I had had a fight with Jonny, not our first but that must have been the reason, or at least the thing that kicked it off. Somehow I ended up at Valentine's flat. I still don't know what led me there, I could have just as easily evaded Jonny at a cafe or something. I can remember Ollie standing in the doorway in a t-shirt and boxers, with a slightly bewildered expression on his face. Who could blame him? I was quite shocked myself. I had managed to not bump into him this morning but I don't think he wanted to be found to be honest.

I walked into my office needing to speak to Elliot. Instead I found Valentine sitting at my desk. I stood frozen for a second before he noticed I was here and looked up.

"I am pretty sure I asked you to do that paperwork yesterday. And barring stopping a nuclear apocalypse I can't see any reason why you haven't done it yet." I said.

"I'm nearly finished. At this rate I might even get promoted to Imelda's paperwork." he replied.

"Ha. You wish." I put the file I was carrying down on Elliot's messy desk so he could read it later. "And when you've finished that I have a case for you and if you sort the patient out by four I might even let you assist an operation."

"Ok." His bright blue eyes met mine.

_Ollie_

I watched as she walked out of her office. I sighed. I don't know what I was expecting. It's not like it meant anything last night. She was just looking for comfort and now we would go back to our normal lives. Whatever, she was way out of my league anyway. I knew she had been using me but my usually rational self seemed to disappear when she turned up at my doorstep. _Oh well_ _I could never have a real relationship with her anyway. _No, I wasn't convincing myself at all.


	2. Keeping Up Pretences

_Ollie_

I saw Tara talking to the patient Miss Naylor had told me to diagnose. I smiled at her but a bolt of guilt shot through me when she returned the gesture. I started looking at the patient's notes trying to concentrate. I still felt unsure about our relationship, there was no way I could tell her what I'd done.

I performed a routine physical examination, checking the patient's blood pressure, pulse, breathing etc. and made sure the medical history was conclusive. Male, 48, non-smoker, late grandfather had diabetes, father taking medicine for high cholesterol. I went through the usual motions effortlessly. I asked the patient about eating and exercise habits. Normal.

Sometimes I was glad to have such an easy patient - it can get quite mad around here - but I was confused as to why Miss Naylor had told me to do this. All the symptoms seemed to point to coronary heart disease which I was sure she could have told just by looking at him. I ordered an electrocardiogram and went to see what I had to do next.

_Jac_

_Focus! _I told myself. I was scraping through this operation. I glanced at the clock again, then back at the heart on the operating theatre in front of me. I had given Ollie the patient because I hoped to see as little of him as possible but I had given him an easy case I knew he would finish by four because I wanted to see him again. I sighed in exasperation before realising where I was. Luckily nobody noticed.

"Blood pressure, 80 systolic." a scrub nurse said.

I clenched my teeth and carried on operating, knowing I had only two hours until I was forced to face him again.

...

I was standing in the ward looking at some scans for my next operation. Suddenly I felt a presence behind me.

"Mr Peters ECG was abnormal. He's showing signs of early coronary heart disease. Luckily for him it doesn't seem too serious." Valentine said.

I nodded and looked away before his eyes could take hold of me again.

"These...er...are the scans. For the operation." I added, gesturing at the x-rays in front of me. I barely got the words out. _What the hell was wrong with me? Pull yourself together Naylor! _

"Hmm." Ollie responded, staring intently at the scans over my shoulder. "Should we go then? The patient is prepped."

"Unless you want to stand around here all day." I replied. He said nothing but who would expect him to be loquacious after the events that had occurred the previous night? I was hardly in the mood for talking myself. We headed towards theatre in silence.

_..._

_Ollie_

Miss Naylor's not really one for small talk, and any attempt at conversation with her in theatre swiftly fails, even on a good day, but today it felt especially awkward operating in the deafening silence. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me and was looking down at the patient, her hand deep within their chest cavity.

Suddenly, the alarms went off. I leant over Miss Naylor's outstretched arm and tried to stem the bleed. After a tense few minutes the bleed was under control. I looked up directly into Jac's eyes. I was still leaning over her arms and there were just millimetres separating us. My heart was beating a little quicker. I sutured the bleed, stood up straight and let out a mental sigh of relief. I checked Jac's expression but her head was already bent down assessing the patient.

"BP's stable" I said.

"Ok, let's close him up then we're done." Jac glanced up. "Good job."

I acknowledged her comment with a brief nod then started sewing the patient back up.

_Jac _

I let down my hair and checked the time on my phone. 10:17. It had been a long day and I couldn't wait to get home, have dinner, watch some TV and go to bed. I was zipping up my leather jacket when Ollie came in. He was wearing scrubs as he was on the night shift. After the operation the tension had diffused somewhat and we had got back to working normally.

"Yes?" I asked him.

"We can't keep pretending last night didn't happen." he stated. My heart sank at his words.

"I don't want to discuss this now." I picked up my helmet and made for the door only to find his arm blocking my way.

"I don't want this to affect work and I'm sure you feel the same way." He stared resolutely at me.

"Ollie, get out of the way." I glared at him. He tried to look unfazed. A second dragged on forever before he dropped his arm.

"Jac..." he began quietly. I strode away before he could say another word. I didn't look back.


	3. Forgetting

**I watched some Jac and Ollie scenes and it inspired me to write more. I guess it helps when you can hear the characters in your head. Merry Christmas!**

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_Jac_

The next day I walked into the hospital to see him at the cafe. Ollie stood up as soon as I came through the doors but I quickly got into the lift before he could catch up with him. It was impossible to believe that I could avoid being alone with him for the whole day but I'd be damned if I wasn't going to try.

_Ollie_

I saw her avoiding me. This was unusual for Jac as it meant she didn't know what she was going to say to me. I had figured that when I confronted her yesterday she was going to insult me and pretend it'd never happened. But she hadn't. Clearly I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. Or maybe she was embarrassed, after all it had been her who had come knocking on my door.

I got the next lift up to Darwin. By that time Jac had already changed into scrubs and was looking at a patient file. I walked up to the counter and leant over it.

"We need to talk." I whispered to Jac. She put down the file and strode purposefully away from me. I started to follow her when I heard a shout that stopped me in my tracks. It was Mr Peters' daughter. I rushed over to them and Jac had no choice but to follow.

"I thought you said it wasn't serious." Jac said.

"He was fine yesterday." I protested while Jonny took the daughter aside. Mr Peters had blacked out.

"Well he's not now. His heart rate is extremely abnormal, it must be restricting the blood flow. Paddles!" I handed Jac the paddles. "Charge to 100. Clear!" We had to shock him three times until his heart rate improved. He was still unconscious.

"What now?" I asked.

"We'll have to fit him with an ICD. Jonny prep him for theatre. Ollie, get consent." she replied.

I grabbed the consent forms and went over to the daughter who was in tears.

"What's happening?" she sobbed.

"Your father has an abnormal heart rhythm and his heart isn't pumping blood around his body effectively. We're going to fit him with an internal defibrillator that will regulate his heart beat. I need you to sign these consent forms." I explained.

"I-I don't know. My older sister always dealt with this stuff." I felt sorry for her, she couldn't be more than 19 or 20 and seemed out of her depth.

"Sophie, this is the best option for your father. Without the operation the blackouts will continue and he could die." I convinced her. I gave her the consent forms and a pen. For a moment she hesitated and I worried she would back out but to my relief she shakily signed the forms. "Thanks. I'll tell you as soon as there's any news."

_Jac_

I inspected the fluttering heart beneath me. Ollie walked into theatre and stared at it in disbelief.

"His ECG didn't indicate anything this serious." he said. I glanced at the patient again. _How had he deteriorated so quickly? _

"Well, we'd better make sure he lives or I may have to get a new F2." I joked. Ollie just looked at me seriously.

The procedure wasn't incredibly common but it was one I had done many times before. I fitted the defibrillator in without any problems. The hard bit was yet to come. I nodded to say he was ready to be taken of bypass. He immediately crashed. It took a couple of attempts to get it working then finally his heart was beating steadily. I closed him up.

"I'll go tell the daughter the operation was successful." Ollie said.

"No, I'll do it. Her father is going to need a lot of care, she deserves to speak to someone senior." I left the operating theatre and saw her waiting outside. She stood up immediately when she saw me, much like Oliver this morning.

"How is he?" she inquired.

"The operation was a success. We'll keep an eye on him for a couple of days in case he crashes again." I spoke the next bit softly. "Your father is very ill. He is going to need a lot of help. You can go and see him now, I'll have to speak with you about a long term care plan." She sniffed and nodded.

"My sister will be here in a few hours, you can speak to her then." Sophie said. At that moment her father came out of theatre and she went over to his side.

"Jonny, take him to bay four. Thanks." Ollie said. He made his way over to me.

"Look, I'm happy to forget what happened between us." Ollie said to me. I crossed my arms. "I'm still confused as to why you came though."

"That makes two of us." I muttered under my breath. I looked into his eyes and he stared back at me. He was leaning in to me, I uncrossed my arms and took a small step forwards.

"Miss Naylor!" Tara's voice abruptly interrupted us.

"What?" I snapped, harsher than I'd intended.

"Professor Hope wants to see you." she responded. I looked back at Ollie then followed her.

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**Please review and if you leave you ideas they may make it into the story ;)**


	4. Beards and Other Distractions

**Sorry for the long wait, hope this chapter makes up for it.**_  
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_Jac_

Turns out there was this boring budget meeting I had to go to. I couldn't concentrate, I was fidgeting in my seat and started doodling Triforces on the paper in front of me. It was the same as usual, no money for new equipment, these pills too expensive etc. I didn't even know why I was here. Maybe Elliot didn't want to suffer through this by himself.

I stifled a yawn and blinked. Michael Spence was arguing about something. _He looks good with a beard. _I thought distractedly. Elliot was looking at me strangely then I realised I'd been staring at Michael. Blushing, I coughed and sat up straight.

"So when is there going to be money then, huh?" Michael was saying. I let my mind wonder to Ollie. We had nearly kissed then, Ollie jumped out of his skin when Tara arrived. He must be feeling guilty.

At that moment there was a knock on the door and he came in. _That's a coincidence. _

"Miss Naylor's needed on the ward, if she's not too busy." Ollie said.

"No!" I stood up a tad too eagerly. "I mean, I'm not really needed here, Professor Hope can deal with it." I followed Ollie back to Darwin.

"Thanks."

"For what?" he asked puzzled.

"Rescuing me from the meeting, I was about to fall asleep." He smiled.

"Sean is here." he added.

I saw Sean as we arrived at the ward, looking as friendly as ever.

"What is it this time?" I inquired.

"Miss Naylor, I knew you'd be happy to see me. " He handed me the patient file. "His name is Nicholas Gardner, five years old, admitted with dizziness -"

"I can read, Sean." I interrupted him abruptly. I walked over to the bed where the boy was being comforted by his parents.

"It's okay, Nicky. The doctors will make you better." The father was saying to his distressed son, who was clearly not enjoying the harsh hospital surroundings so different from the colourful world of paeds.

"Mr Gardner?" I said, making both the parents look up. "I'm Miss Naylor, I'll be taking care of Nicky and this is Dr Valentine. I need to take his pulse." Taking the stethoscope from around my neck, I bent down and put the end of it on his chest. He flinched away from me at first and his father gave him a reassuring look that calmed him down although he was still very tense.

"Ok, I want to do an X-ray to rule out some options." Ollie nodded and went to find the consent forms and book the X-ray. I found my eyes following him.

"Is he going to be alright?" Mr Gardner asked me.

"We'll know more after the X-ray."

_Ollie_

It had taken a bit of persuading to convince the parents to wait outside the X-ray room while we took the X-ray. I promised them we'd come and get them if there were any problems. I was standing behind the glass watching Jac talking to the boy. It looked like he didn't want to get in.

"Come on, it'll be like a game." Jac lifted him onto the machine then sat next to him. "There's nothing to be afraid of." She said gently. I was surprised, I'd never seen her act this way. Nicky shook his head. After pausing for a second, Jac lay down with her hand outstretched. Nervously, he took he hand and lay beside her. She smiled at him. _She should do that more often._

"Let's pretend we're hiding from..."

"Bad guys?" Nicky suggested.

"Yes, bad guys. We have to stay very still so they don't find us."

"Ok." Nicky seemed content with this arrangement so Jac nodded at me. I started the machine and looked at the monitor. I skimmed over Jac's body, just in case, before zooming in on Nicky's thorax and sending the image to print so Miss Naylor could look at it.

Once Nicky had been settled back on the ward, I went to see what she thought of the X-rays. Jac was staring intently at them, her eyebrows slightly furrowed with concentration. Her auburn hair cascaded over her skinny shoulders and I found my eyes drawn across her cheekbones and down onto her pale lips. There I lingered wondering what it would be like to lean in and kiss her, twirl my fingers in her soft hair, hold her close and tell her how I really felt...

Abruptly Jac looked up, shattering my fantasy.

"I agree with your diagnosis." she said, unaware of my daydreams. "Let's go tell the parents."

And just like that Jac strode off, leaving me to stand recovering for a second before I forced my legs to move. By the time I reached the bay where Nicky was, she had already got the parent's attention.

"The problem is Nicky's got a hole in his heart, which is preventing the heart from functioning properly." Miss Naylor began.

"That sounds serious." Mr Gardner said worriedly.

"It's really not as bad as it sounds." I chipped in. "When babies are in the womb, they get all their oxygen from the mother's blood stream so there is a hole in the heart where the blood can flow straight through. It usually seals up soon after birth but sometimes it doesn't fully heal and when the heart grows the hole gets bigger and the problem gets more severe."

"The operation is very simple; I've performed it countless times before." Jac continued. "With no major complications he could be out within a week of the surgery."

"It's the best option for him." I assured Mr and Mrs Gardner, passing them the consent forms. Mr Gardner took them and looked at them.

"Could we have some time to discuss it?" He asked.

"Of course, whenever you're ready." Miss Naylor replied before smiling at Nicky and walking off. I followed her.

"Do you think they'll consent?" I enquired.

"Yeah, they just don't want to put their son's life at risk." Jac said , matter of factly.

I glanced back seeing them deep in discussion.

"I don't envy them being in a situation like that."

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**Please review if you enjoyed it! :)**

_ [I'm talking to you Danica Patrick]_


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